I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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