I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
