so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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