My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
