I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
