Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
