Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
