It was confusing and full of hummus
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
