Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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