I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I could fuck to npr.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
