My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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