i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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