She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Of course I have a pirate flag
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
