Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
