I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
