you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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