I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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