my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
