im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
