ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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