i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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