i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
