We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
