Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
