it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
