Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Is it because I queefed?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
