When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
