he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I know her cup size but not her name....
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
