There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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