Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
