I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
