Sry I called you an 8
i will never coherently bang her
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
