do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
