I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
