Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I did not marry a roomba.
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