i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
