love makes seman taste better
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
