If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
