Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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