We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
