Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
