i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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