He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His nipple licking is glorious
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