oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
