Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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