i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
