Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
