So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
