Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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