She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
