Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
