Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
only you would photoshop your dick
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
