The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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