haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
